Monday, May 23, 2011

Why only mock some Christians, but not the rest?

"Thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.
So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot,
I will spue thee out of my mouth."

[The following intemperate rant was in large part inspired by a far more thoughtful and compassionate post at Sightless Among Miracles.]

There are fools, and then there are fools. We often hear about how Christians today should be more like the early Christians. Well, the early Christians were a bunch of intolerant superstitious antisocial violence-prone easily-led morons who were sure that Jebus was returning any day now. They were obsessed with prophecies about the exact time of his return, and with trying to discern "the signs" that presaged that return. They couldn't wait for their Zombie God to come back and take them all away from the awful, sinful world they hated living in, and that, for the most part, hated them in return and would be glad to see them gone.

Well, there is a group of Christians today who have truly returned to the roots of their faith. These are the followers of Harold Camping. But the fact is that even though they are closer to "original" Christianity than most of the other 2+ billion Christians alive today, those who believed Camping's prediction that the Rapture would occur on May 21st (with Judgement Day to follow on soon after), in truth hold to beliefs that are no less laughable than all the Zombie Jesus worshippers who mindlessly accept the whole "He Is Risen" bullshit every year on Chocolate Bunny Day. All Christians believe in the Second Coming, even if they quibble over the details and the timing. They have been waiting a long time now. Just how fucking stupid are they?

The Camping followers at least have the great virtue of actually taking their beliefs to heart, rather than just pretending to believe. In Revelations 3:15-16 we read: "Thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." Well, the Camping crowd doesn't have to worry about being "spued" out of God's mouth. But what about the rest of those who consider themselves Christians?

(I think the thing that boggles my mind the most is the way that many of the same people who suddenly became all earnestly thoughtful, conflicted, and hand-wringy over the deep sixing of Osama bin Laden were among the most wantonly gleeful and mean-spirited in their mockery of the Ratpurean wannabes.)

But my real point, as the title of this post makes clear, is that the entire blood cult of Jebus is deserving of the same level of ridicule as that directed at the tiny handful of people who actually believe the crap in the Bible. Those who are only willing to heap scorn on a tiny, powerless handful, and then only when their favorite media icons and thought-leaders signal that it's OK, should really just shut the fuck up.

Theological postscript: For the most part, Pagans do not believe that the Universe has a beginning or an end. This is one of those things that Pagans, Buddhist, and Hindus have in common. In fact, the idea that time, and/or "the world" can have either a beginning or an end has been an object of ridicule since antiquity.


Kullervo said...

I promise you that plenty of Mainline Christians do not believe in the literal Second Coming at all.

Apuleius Platonicus said...

Well, that raises some thorny issues. Jesus said he was coming back (John 14:1-4, Matthew 24:43-44)). So these "Christians" believe some of what Jesus said, but not other things he said? Hmmm. Where's the Inquisition when we need it?

Diana Rajchel said...

Given the many, many, many denominations of Christianity out there I would almost but not quite think that they're not all the same religion - and some sects go so far as to say they aren't the same religion while fervently identifying as Christian all the same. (I'm Spartacus!)

Also, the images really made this post. Hung Jesus is going in my special file.

Apuleius Platonicus said...

From my special file to yours.

Athena's Glen said...

Just wanted you to know I've been reading your blog for a while, and after this post I couldn't help but "follow" you and give you a thumbs up on my facebook page. You're honesty and straight forwardness amuse me AND get straight to the heart of things!

Anonymous said...

This reminded me of this post. Thank my humanoid meat-based house-mate -- he saw it at work and had to send it to me (if that seems off to you, well, as his employer says "the definition of 'NSFW' changes when you're a company that hosts several porn independent sites").

Apuleius Platonicus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Apuleius Platonicus said...

Hi Ruadhán. I love that graphic! I included it in a collection of blasphemous images here